Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I'm not ready for this!

So this year I turn 40. Yeah, I know I've mentioned this but it's bugging me. I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Well, ever since I turned 39 last November. Yikes! That means only 4 more months.

Well, now the past week or so it's been really hitting me that I have a daughter in High School! Ack! I just don't feel like I should be old enough for that.

Where did the time go? How am I at this point in my life already and is this what it was supposed to be like? I've always had a issues with being happy and satisfied with my life and how it was going....battling depression. But lately with the 40th coming up, registering my daughter for HS and not being happy with my current job it seems to be getting to me even more.

I'm really not sure what, if anything to do about it. Do I try to change something in my life and if so what? I feel like I'm going through some sort of crisis. I've discussed it with hubby and he just doesn't get it. He's not bothered at all by the fact that we are 40 and have a high schooler. I wish I could be more like him sometimes. So laid back about stuff.

When I was a kid, that's all I wanted was to be grown up. Become an adult. Make my own decisions. Do whatever I wanted to do. I had this idea that everything would be better when I was an adult. I pictured everything differently.

I don't know exactly what I thought my life would be like at this point. Didn't necessarily have an outline of how things were going to go and what I'd be doing but I think I had this notion that being an adult would be so great and glamorous.

Well guess what? It ain't always so glamorous!


5 comments:

Aim said...

aw, Lynn, we totally need to get our girls weekend bash scheduled. That will make us both feel better. As far as what else you should do?? Not sure. Some things you can't change (your age and that of the children), but I know you've been talking about that photography career, any chance you can kick it in gear?? I'm here for you whenever you need me!

N. said...

Reading your post made me smile, because I have been saying this EXACT THING to myself for the past couple of months. It's been really bad lately! I, too, have a daughter starting high school. While I am only slightly younger than you, I am looking at myself and wondering who I am. I feel lost and bewildered! Nobody understands and wants me to just snap out of it. But I can't for some reason. And, it's been especially hard for my friends and family because I am not one to act like this .. EVER!

I'll be praying for you!!

Nicole

Amy said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I will be 40 in January and it's really bothering me too. My girls are in 4th and 7th this year...I remember when I was in those grades, not so long ago! Another thing that bothers me is that I am almost 40 and not married and it is as though my future is uncertain. It sucks. Holler via email if you ever wanna cry or vent to someone. Cause I feel your pain.

loriz1213 said...

You're probably gonna smack me for this one, but being that you and my hubby are birthday twins and all, it's more like 3 months away! (not 4) I know because I just counted up the weeks on the calendar! It's coming up way TOO soon, I know that!

Martha said...

Hmm, I'm looking forward to my #48 birthday next month, maybe I shouldn't be!! Yikes! I hope you enjoy regardless. Greetings from LA.